Not a customer of Citizens Bank? Just have a question you want to ask a public relations officer? Then don’t call them.
No, really. Although there must be some kind of science to the modern voice mail system, Citizens Bank seems to be employing evil scientists in the pursuit of evil science. To confirm this hypothesis, try this experiment:
Call the bank at (800) 922-9999.
“Thank you for calling Citizens Bank. Not your typical bank. For existing account information, press one. To transfer funds, press two. For added services, press three. To speak with a customer service specialist at any time, press zero.”
A customer service specialist, that sounds keen!
“To speak with the most appropriate specialist, press one for checking or money market accounts, press two for savings, press three for check orders.”
Well, no, that’s not right. Because we’re not customers yet. Call back.
“Thank you for calling Citizens Bank. Not your typical bank. For existing account information, press one. To transfer funds, press two. For added services, press three. To speak with a customer service specialist at any time, press zero.”
Uh ... added services, I guess.
“To activate or replace a Citizens ATM or debit card, press one. To apply for a new account or loan, press two. For current rates, press three. To end this call, press eight. To speak with a customer service specialist at any time, press zero.”
A customer service specialist? No. Don’t fall for that again.
The closest you can get to a correct answer is “two.” It wins you a conversation with a clueless long-distance teller who doesn’t even know what a public relations officer is.
Sigh.
3 comments:
When I want anything from any company I have to call, I've found the best way to get results is to find the fastest way to the first real human being. Once I'm talking with flesh and blood, I ask that person whom I should really be talking with.
I don't care if I reach a sales rep expecting to sell me a government bond or some support technician used to telling little old ladies how to access the company's Web page. As long as it's a person I'm talking to, I feel as though I've accomplished something. These people are generally relieved that they can pass me on to someone else, and I get to talk with the right person quicker than I would by playing games with Pandora's computer program.
Another fun experiment is to punch in numbers after I've reached the dial by name directory. Many times, I'll speak with some anonymous and lovely person whom could use a break from his or her work. They'll usually take the time to get me exactly what I want. This strategy isn't as fail safe as my first method, however. I usually only use it as a last resort.
To write on topic: I find computerized customer service numbers to be extremely lacking in, well, customer service.
Andrew J. Manuse
If you still have a question for a Citizens public relations officer, try calling:
Melodie Jackson
Phone: 1-617-725-5840
Fax: 1-617-725-5790
She's the media relations person for Citizens-Massachusetts. Granted to find this, one must plod around on the Citizens Web site for a few minutes. Media contacts are hidden in the "Fact Sheet" portion of their "About Us" page.
Have fun with Melodie.
--Rob McG
Both very helpful. In gratitude, I will spare you the saga of my relations with Adobe. I bought a typeface family from them Aug. 23, can't use it and still haven't seen the issue resolved -- not even close. It 's been a nightmare, no exaggeration. The last person I spoke with, I asked: Why should I buy your fonts from now on, if there are so many pirate versions floating around out there I can have for free? He had the brains not to reply: "Uh, because if you don't pay you don’t get any technical support or customer service?"
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