After 30 years contemplating the nature of black holes, Stephen Hawking has changed his mind about whether they allow information to escape. I am relieved to learn, as is everyone, surely, that the answer is: Information does escape from black holes.
Still, in the spirit of the Republican party and the Boston Herald’s front page, I find myself angered and disillusioned that this horrible man, after preying on our sympathies for so long with the whole wheelchair thing, after leading us to believe he was a good and intelligent person with some degree of honor, would dare to manipulate us so arrogantly and whimsically. Or can he really be this stupid? How could be not have known? Why didn’t he think it through before speaking in the first place?
Sorry. In my rage, I am ranting.
My entry for Boston Herald lead headline tomorrow, in the most gigantic type our aging computers can manage, in the font a friend has inspired me to call Sneer Bold Italic:
PROF. FLIP-FLOP SUCKED US IN!!!
HAWKING CHANGES MIND ON BLACK HOLES!!!
CHILDREN WEEP -- PARENTS CURSE -- ‘NEVER TRUST HIM AGAIN’ -- CALLS FOR REVENGE -- TWEEDY, MILDLY EFFEMINATE, UNDOUBTEDLY LIBERAL FOREIGNER IN SECLUSION WITH BLONDE BOMBSHELL WIFE IN IVORY TOWER NEAR FRANCE
(Because he’s British, you see.)