THIS YEAR’S MODEL

Is Thomas L. Friedman working for the Bush administration? I know his work continues to appear in The New York Times, as it did today, but I cannot come up with a better explanation -- barring the possibility that he’s “absolutely fucking nuts” -- for the spinning he does on Iraq.

The latest is that we should be ecstatic if “the U.S. gives birth to in Iraq ... the Islamic Republic of Iraq.” This is another revision and retreat from our stated reasons for invading and occupying, which was, first, “regime change,” but became the creation of a democratic nation when the White House realized that trading one oppressive regime for another isn’t good PR.

It’s not easy, either, which is where the administration finds itself now: having to justify an Islamic republic as being a democracy; and expecting it to be a model for the rest of the Middle East.

What’s really wrong about this republic of lowered expectations, as sold by Friedman with all the greasy finesse of top salesman at Crazy George’s Used Cars, is that a careful read shows the entire plan relying on one man: Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani, who is described as being “not a Khomeini.” (Although we will surely try to win hearts and minds toward true democracy, this administration has repeatedly proven itself spectacularly incompetent at it.)

So we will get an Islamic Republic of Iraq that grows into a full-fledged democracy, Friedman assures us. Never mind that the secular of the United States are worried enough about President “Faith-Based Initiatives” Bush being in office; what’s happening in Iraq is like if Pat Robertson won in his attempt for the presidency in 1988. He cared enough to run for president in a democratic election, but did anyone really expect what followed to reliably follow democratic ideals?

“If things go reasonably well, the result will be an initial Iraqi government that is more religious than Turkey but more democratic than Iran,” Friedman raves. “Not bad.”

And when Sistani grows old and others take over? Or when he is assassinated by Islamists or fedayeen in deep cover? Will we invade again? Or watch the Islamic Republic of Iraq crumble into, well, exactly what its name says it is?